Pregnancy brain... it is a fetal condition.

Remembering back to the first weekend of September of 2005 when I was just under a month pregnant with Isabelle, I'd quit smoking, I hadn't had a stiff drink in weeks. That will forever go down in history as the day I offically flipped my lid. I had big plans to clean out the garage and Keith promised to help. I recall that Keith had a very ligitimate reason for not helping in the garage at exactly the time I wanted him to be present and the longer I was alone out there, the more I began to IRRATIONALLY toss perfectly good belongings onto the curb for the garbage man. (NOT MY BEST MOMENT) even as I threw functioning lamps, computer monitors, carpeting, and whever else I could get my hands on to the curb, I knew deep down inside that he was BUSY I just needed to wait 30 minutes or so. Did I mention it was Sunday? The garbage man would not be back till Wednesday?? So all of these perfectly good belongings were piled sky high. As soon as Keith came out to find out what all the racket was about, he GOT AN EAR FULL of words I will not type here for the sake of the children who might read this blog...Just call me John Kennedy... This was comparible to his allowing the Bay of Pigs invasion that led to the Cuban missile crisis. Becuase what happened next was a missile crisis FOR SURE!!! Poor Keith, just stood there in shock as he surveyed the damage I'd managed to create in less than 15 minutes of tazmanian type cleaning... his eyes glazed over, he started to sweat, I'm screaming and tossing verbal daggers at him, he said, "Lesley, calm down, what in the world is going on here?" I started my screaming schpeel all over again and began to toss more valuable items onto the pile. It was not pretty. Ultimately, I ended up hunched over the kitchen table sobbing and apologizing profusely, not quite sure what had just happened... Thus began the chronic "fetal" disease I so kindly refer to as pregnancy brain. When all common sense goes out the window and sheer irrational behavior takes over.

This weekend I began my whirlwind cleaning all over again, making room for K.J. (Keith Junior) thats what we will call him till we come up with a good name. I began to empty out the walk in closet in K.J.'s room and erroneously tossed Keiths $400 suit into the GoodWill donation bag. Its a good thing he was baby sitting me because he managed to save it before I drove away. What does he say when he finds it in the bag?? "Oh, God, its September 2005 all over again. - Don't leave here with ANYTHING until I can look through the bags. - GOT IT??" I've decided to humor him for the sake of our marriage.

Pregnancy brain is not the only condition I suffer from - my maternal instincts are so strong I feel the need to protect all living creatures. I actually brought my car to a screaching hault on a 4 lane road to make sure that a squirrel that darted across my lane made across all 3 others. Not even noticing that the upcoming intersection just 30 feet away had a VERY green light and I was nearly rear-ended. I had every intention of rushing that squirrel to the ER had he been hit. I sacrifice my own safety for a "rat with a fluffy tail" at least thats what Keith says.

The Monkey Has Learned to Use Tools!!!

Week 17 has been rough. I’m feeling extremely weak, struggling for breath, and not really capable of putting into words how awful I feel. I’ve lived through the morning sickness and lethargy, and this is totally different. Narrowly avoided being admitted to the maternity ward for a battery of tests, *whew* and offered to make myself available first thing in the morning for ekg, blood work and other stuff... I will have results in two more days. Buuuuuuut, there is a silver lining in all this stress, I was weighed yesterday and I HAVE NOT GAINED A SINGLE SOLITARY POUND!!! In fact, technically I have lost weight considering the fact I am carrying a growing baby, placenta, increased water weight, and lets not forget the fantastic rack! It’s an incredible thing and I repeated it out loud all evening... when you gain 60 lbs the first time around you feel doomed to repeat history. I’m so proud of myself. *pat* *pat* *pat*

In other more uplifting news, the monkey has learned to use tools!! A few months ago Isabelle started to use her miniature broom (of course my child has a broom, if they made miniature working vacuums she’d have that too) to whack her ceramic piggy bank off of the shelving in her room. Frightening!!! She uses it to reach toys under the couch and has really started to impress us with her analytical thinking skills. Last night we found her on her tippy toes balancing in a rolling scooter to pull open and reach her toothbrush in the top drawer in her closet - even scarier, so we had to move all of the interesting things into the bottom drawer, and now I can’t find her toothbrush (which is why it was in the top drawer to begin with) I’m sure it will show up with all the dog bones buried in the back yard.

She has also started to finish off two syllable words, it started on Mother’s Day with her calling grammy (my mom) DONNA!!! So hilarious, she has continued to call my mom by her first name ever since, even walks around all day sing-songing “dooooonna doooooona donna donna dooooooooonna” its just precious. She calls my dad “Stebe” since she replaces “v” with “b”. Its cool, we can actually almost understand everything she says now that she finishes the words.

Only about 155 days to go till poor little boy with no name is born!!

snips and snails and puppy dog tails...

THATS WHAT BOYS ARE MADE OF!! ITS A BOY!!!!!!!!

We visited Look Who's Kickin on Saturday, May 10th! An early Mother's day gift to me. Worth every penny to find out that we were having a boy! I could not be happier and keith is over the moon. To be honest, he was very emotional about it. (Although, I swore I would not broadcast it...ooops!)

We are really having a tough time coming up with names. We aren't particularly fond of any family names that we have to work with and nothing really sticks out to us like Isabelle did. This kid might have to name himself.

Dentists do it orally...

A woman goes to the dentist. When he bows to begin to work, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you have taken my private zone." The woman answers, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."

I floss more than once a day, I brush two to three times per day, I chew sugarless gum with xylitol after every meal and yet I have the most unbelievable lack of luck with my damn teeth. I'm 29 years old and I already have 4 or 5 crowns and that might just be a little generous... anyway, while eating my chicken ceasar salad today I crunch down on what I think is a chicken bone, but its a small sliver of my tooth!!!! This is not the first time I've done this. You would think this would happen with starbursts, milk duds, or salt water taffy, but NO, a lousy piece of baked chicken. UNBELIEVABLE!!! last time I was pregnant the same thing happened with a friggin granola bar.

Did I mention its right at the gum line inbetween two molars, so I am forever getting large pieces of food stuck inbetween them! I can't live like this, I HATE food in my teeth, you know that feeling when you get a popcorn kernal stuck between your two front teeth and it feels like there is a 5 mile wide clamp forcing them to split like the red sea??? THAT is how it feels. So, I'm going to have to sit in the dentist chair AGAIN with no novacaine and just deal with the pain of fixing the tooth - isn't there an epidural that works from the eyeballs down???

I must say, I sat here at my desk laughing when I thought of the tooth debacle of this past Christmas when Alana lost a chip of tooth at the table while we were eating and began to sob. I just thought, geez, this kid ain't seen NUTHIN YET!!! You would have thought that her front tooth had been knocked out - now THAT is something to cry about... anyway...

The things we do for our children.

Impatience - its MY virtue!

I am 171 days closer to delivering this nocturnal kickboxer. Could this child PAAAAALLEAAAAAAASE keep me from falling asleep for one more night??? I began to feel the baby move at 14 weeks, pretty early all things considered. It REALLY got real when I could feel him/her. Not that the headaches, weight gain and nausea didn't send a message??? Which prompted my lack of patience and I felt the need to find any method possible to find out the sex asap. With all the contacts I have in the MRI world of the greater Tampa Bay Area, I seem to constantly hit a wall when I tell them I am 16 weeks pregnant. I am sneaky, but I am not a liar, so if asked a question, I must be honest in my response. Its only $35 to get a cash ultrasound since no insurance company will cover diagnostic testing to determine sex. Its MYYYYYY $35 I can blow it how, when, and where I want. Its a gamble I am willing to take to get what I want WHEN I WANT IT. I've even had some know it all receptionists tell me sexual organs dont develop till 16 weeks, WRONG!!! Not that I have a medical degree, but any idiot knows that organs develop at around 12 weeks and a baby's sex can sometimes be determined as early as 14 weeks by ultrasound, even sooner (around 8 weeks) with a $250 blood test. (I'm not THAT impatient, I can find much better ways to blow $250)

So anyway... I might have to wait till the first week of June to buy paint and begin the long war with Keith over names that I love and names that he hates... till next time...

ISABELLE TURNS 2!!!!